Lost some other shit?
Keys (Again? Really?)
Check the last place you had them, dumbass. No, really – retrace your steps. They're probably in that jacket you wore yesterday, or in the door lock because your brain went on autopilot again. Pro tip: Get one of those Tile or AirTag things if you're chronically forgetful. Welcome to the future.
Wallet (The Classic)
First, don't panic. Second, definitely panic because canceling cards is a pain in the ass. Check under your car seats – wallets love to go skydiving while you're getting out. Also check that pile of laundry you've been ignoring. If it's truly gone, time to make those fun calls to your bank while cursing your past self.
TV Remote (It's Always the Couch)
Look, we both know it's in the couch. It's ALWAYS in the couch. Lift up those cushions and prepare to find not just your remote, but a historical archive of snacks from the past three months. If it's not there, check if someone put it in the fridge while grabbing a beer. It happens more than you'd think.
Your Dignity
Sorry pal, that's gone forever. Probably lost it somewhere between downloading TikTok and trying to do that dance trend in public. But hey, at least you can still find your phone!
FAQ
Q. Where the hell am I going to find my shit?
A. In the last place you look.
Q. Can I give you money?
A.